In today’s fast-paced, high-pressure world, leadership is often defined by strategies, data, and decision-making frameworks. But, after two decades of coaching, training, and working with leaders across the globe, I’ve come to realise that there is a deeper, often overlooked component of leadership, especially in the business world, and that is: spirituality.
What Do I Mean by Spirituality?
For me, spirituality involves tapping into your true self and core purpose—gaining inner clarity that guides your decisions, actions, and responses, especially when the stakes are high. And that matters because life throws a lot of challenges our way as leaders, and as I say in my book, Leading from Your Core, “when life squeezes you and the pressure is on, what you’re like on the inside will come out.”
In moments of crisis, when the pressure is intense, it’s this deeper alignment that allows leaders to act with calm, focus, and strength. Spirituality is the force that gives you that inner strength as it connects you with the best version of you.
“Spirituality is the force that gives you that inner strength as it connects you with the best version of you.”
Why Does Spirituality Matter Now?
Leadership is no longer just about managing tasks, achieving targets, or driving results and efficiencies. The world we live in continues to be increasingly volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous. It’s in this kind of environment that leaders need more than just technical skills, frameworks, or strategies—they need inner strength and deep insight. When you’re grounded spiritually, you’re better equipped to handle uncertainty and inspire confidence in others, even when the path ahead isn’t clear.
Harvard Business School’s William George has noted that ‘mindful leadership‘ is becoming essential for today’s leaders. By developing self-awareness and emotional intelligence, leaders are better positioned to respond to challenges with resilience and calm. This parallels my belief that spirituality, often understood through mindfulness or core purpose or inner self or spirit essence, is the foundation that sustains effective leadership over time.
“Spirituality is the foundation that sustains effective leadership over time.”
Spirituality and Leadership Mastery
I know what you’re thinking—”of course, with a name like Obi, it’s only natural that you’d lean into spirituality!” But, beyond the name, my deep passion for personal leadership and relentless pursuit of mastery earn me the title of ‘Jedi of Personal Leadership’. And in that spirit, I liken spirituality to the Force. The Force, for a Jedi, is something bigger than us that we connect with deep inside of ourselves. It enables us to tap into the transcendent dimension of life. It is the source of clarity and strength. It helps you lead with calm in moments of chaos and with purpose in moments of doubt. This Force—this spirituality—provides a deeper, unshakable alignment that keeps you steady, no matter the challenges around you.
“Spirituality provides a deeper, unshakable alignment that keeps you steady, no matter the challenges around you.”
And when you’re able to lead from that place of inner alignment, you become not only a more effective leader but a more fulfilled one.
(If you’re curious about your own spiritual alignment as a leader, consider taking our new CORE Leaders Self-Assessment. More information at the end of this article.)
Real-Life Leadership in Action
For many leaders, spiritual alignment has been a key to long-term success. Take Bill George, former CEO of Medtronic, for example. He has spoken extensively about how his spiritual practices, particularly meditation, helped him lead with clarity and focus. His spiritual grounding gave him the energy to make thoughtful decisions during his time at Medtronic, allowing him to cultivate a high-performance, values-driven organisation.
Another great example is Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft. His leadership approach is rooted in empathy and compassion, which he credits to his deeply held spiritual beliefs. Nadella’s spiritual alignment helped transform Microsoft’s culture by focusing on emotional intelligence and inclusivity—values that have fostered innovation and long-term growth at one of the world’s largest companies.
Then there’s Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, the former president of Liberia and Africa’s first democratically elected female head of state. Her leadership during Liberia’s recovery from civil war and through the Ebola outbreak was guided by her spiritual beliefs. She credits her spiritual grounding for helping her maintain clarity and strength during times of national crisis, which allowed her to lead with compassion and resilience.
Finally, David Steward, CEO of Worldwide Technology, has built one of the largest Black-owned businesses in the US by relying on his faith and spiritual principles. Steward’s spiritual grounding has influenced his leadership style, allowing him to foster resilience, create a positive company culture, and use his platform to serve others. His faith continues to be a cornerstone of his leadership success.
Practical Ways to Tap into Your Leadership ‘Force’
It’s not just about big moments of inspiration; spiritual alignment can and should be integrated into your daily leadership practice. Here are some simple, practical ways to apply spirituality in your leadership:
- Daily Reflection: Start your day with a five-minute reflection on your core purpose. Ask yourself how your actions for the day will align with your long-term goals and values. Even if you only have five minutes, this practice sets the tone for purpose-driven leadership and seamlessly integrates into any routine, no matter how busy you are.
- Pause for Clarity: Before making major decisions, pause, lean into silence, and reconnect with your deeper self. Imagine the best version of you stepping forward to ask: “What impact will this decision have on my team, my values, and my long-term goals?” This mindful pause creates space for more thoughtful and aligned choices.
- Embrace Uncertainty: Leaders grounded in spirituality don’t need to have all the answers. Embrace ambiguity with confidence, trusting that there is an intelligence that can guide you through even the most complex situations.
Take the Next Step: Discover Your Spiritual Alignment
If you want to go deeper; if you’re curious about how aligned your leadership is with your core purpose; If you want to lead from a place connected to the best version of you, take our CORE Leaders Self-Assessment – https://corealignmentassessment.coreleaders.co.uk/obi-twe9fyvl.
No matter where you are on your leadership journey, the CORE Leaders Self-Assessment will help you evaluate your inner alignment, including your spiritual core, and you’ll begin to discover how this positively impacts not just your decision-making, but also your business outcomes, team engagement, long-term growth, and personal resilience.
Here’s to unleashing your leadership excellence from the inside out.
May ‘the Force’ be with you!
Obi Abuchi
The Jedi of Personal Leadership
If You’re Not Angry, You Can’t Be An Effective Leader
“Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything.”On the surface of it, many would agree with that sentiment. However, I couldn’t disagree more. Despite what some might tell you, anger isn’t the bad guy. Anger isn’t something to suppress. Anger isn’t anything to be ashamed of. For many years, a very dear friend of mine battled with a “nice guy” image. He thought that the only way to get on in this world and achieve his potential was to please everyone. He figured only criminals got angry or men who beat their wives or leaders who bullied their people. Whenever he got angry, he felt shame and did his best to deny it or limit it. Unfortunately, he could only do that for so long, which meant that inevitably he would sometimes erupt. The reason, I know all of this about this friend is because that friend was ME. Thankfully, I’ve since discovered that anger is a wonderfully powerful human emotion that can be an incredible force for good. The problem isn’t anger. The problem is that so many people don’t know how to control and channel that anger. In leadership, the difference between a passive leader, or a passive-aggressive leader, or an aggressive leader, and an assertive leader is their relationship with anger. Stay with me and I’ll show you how a healthy relationship with anger is one of the keys to you becoming an effective leader; in other words, one who is assertive, engaging, transformational, and delivers great results. Is Anger Necessary? In the preface of my book, Leading from Your Core, I share this story…
“My first experience of working closely with very senior leaders in business was a defining one for me. It was a few years after graduating. I had been hired as a train systems engineer and accepted on to the graduate development programme of an engineering and construction firm with responsibility for a multi-billion-pound schedule of improvement and maintenance of the London Underground.
I didn’t really enjoy the engineering side of the role, but I was lucky. Only eighteen months into the programme, I secured a six-month placement to shadow the managing director of our sister company.
I attended many key meetings, including some board meetings and one-to-ones, and engaged in various projects with senior leaders and middle managers, on behalf of the managing director. I observed what it was like to be at the helm of an organisation – the power, the authority, the resources at your disposal – and to be completely honest, I didn’t always like what I saw.
The managing director, in particular, was extremely intelligent and experienced, yet he had a reputation for berating the life out of those working for him. If he felt someone was incompetent and hadn’t done something to his standard, they would know it, along with every other person within earshot of them. He instilled fear into many as he asserted his authority and intelligence.
Even though I got on well with him, enjoyed our one-to-one conversations, and learnt a ton during the six-month stint, after that experience, I promised myself that if I ever had a chance to lead people – choosing between leading by asserting my authority, intelligence, superiority, and power or from a place of genuine, positive influence – I would choose the latter.”Some people miss the point of the story and think the answer is to have NO anger and all become nice and cuddly. Not at all! We absolutely need anger in our lives. If someone were to hurt my loved ones, or steal something really important to me, or do something that goes against my core values, don’t expect me to say, “Thanks for hurting my son.” “Thank you for bashing into my wife’s car.” “Thank you kindly for breaking into my house.” “Thank you so much for reinforcing racial prejudice.” When you have a healthy relationship with anger, it can be one of the most powerful and loving forces in the world. Anger stops wars. Anger fights injustice. Anger drives innovation. Anger fuels revolutions. Anger inspires change. Anger culls abuse. Anger overcomes bureaucracy. Is the Expression of Anger Always Healthy? Research shows that suppressed anger can be an underlying cause of anxiety or depression. In fact, when it’s not expressed appropriately, anger can affect our thinking and behaviour, negatively impact relationships, and can even lead to high blood pressure, skin disorders, and heart problems. The clear message is that anger needs to be expressed and not suppressed. The challenge, of course, is to do it in a healthy way. To determine whether your expression of anger is healthy, you need to ask yourself: Am I in control of my anger or is my anger in control of me? Am I at the whim of my every emotion and every circumstance? Is this about my ego or about a greater cause that will benefit others? When you’re not in control of your anger and when it is about your ego, on the extreme end, it shows up as: Bullying Abuse Intimidation Attacking Oppression Harassment Interestingly, not being in control of our anger, can also show up in passive ways. For example, when we don’t give ourselves permission to be angry, we stuff our anger and become emotionally dishonest or distant or apologetic. It can also show up in passive-aggressive ways in the form of trolling, blaming, cynicism, procrastination, resentment. The number one difference between healthy anger that you’re in control of and destructive, selfish anger that controls you is whether your motive is self-serving or for the benefit of someone else. Do You Have a Healthy Relationship with Anger? Leaders can relate to anger in 4 different ways:
- Deny – Passive leaders deny their anger. They are often blaming and apologetic and indirect in their communication.
- Limit – Passive-aggressive leaders limit their anger. They too are often indirect and subtle in their communication. They might be self-denying at first, but with a view to getting their own way later.
- Erupt – Aggressive leaders are inappropriately honest in their communication. They mostly direct their anger towards people in an eruption that results in stifling and controlling others. They typically insist on their rights above the rights of others.
- Channel – Assertive leaders channel their anger towards making circumstances or situations better for themselves and others. That means in the heat of the moment they take the time to pause and ask themselves, “what really matters here?” They are respectful of their own rights and the rights of others. They keep their ego in check. They do this by playing a different game and having big dreams for their people.
- Accept – Anger is normal and healthy, so accept it and give yourself permission to be angry. The best leaders have a healthy relationship with anger. They know that anger can be a form of fierce compassion – protecting what is good, protecting those they love, protecting their values.
- Respect – Anger is power. With great power comes great responsibility. To ensure that that power doesn’t destroy the good around you, respect yourself and others, and keep your ego in check.
- Channel – Channel your anger towards making circumstances or situations better. When channelled in this way, anger can be one of the most loving and powerful forces in the world.
Are You Walking the Walk or Just Talking the Talk?
Do you recognise these values?
- Respect
- Integrity
- Communication
- Excellence
They sound like great values, don’t they?
Before the scandal that sent them into bankruptcy in October 2001, those were the corporate values that the Enron Corporation (an energy company that was based in Houston, Texas) espoused as their guiding principles for how they do what they do.
The problem was that it was all talk. In reality, there was another set of guiding principles driving their culture.
One person put it like this, “Enron’s collapse was a product of the culture of greed, dishonesty, ethical blindness.”
Bridging the gap between our talk and our walk, our espoused values and our lived values, isn’t simply a challenge for amorphous organisations, but a challenge for the individuals that lead at all levels within any organisation.
When organisations and leaders have power, authority and influence without a strong a healthy core they cause damage to the people around them and to our world.
That’s why we believe that truly effective, inspiring and transformational leadership that stands the test of time and doesn’t give in to the pressure of the next quarter’s bottom line, begins with personal mastery.
CORE Leaders are in it for the long haul and do the hard work of developing inner character.
Are you a CORE Leader?
#personalleadership #personalmaster #coreleaders #livingourvalues
What is the Secret to Making Your Best Contribution?
(I wrote this article several years ago but I think it’s still highly relevant, maybe even more so today in our fast growing digital society)
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
Mary Oliver, Poet
Some months ago, on a business trip to Florida, I had one of the best long-haul flights of my life. How come? It wasn’t the food, as good as that was. It wasn’t the service, though that was ace. It wasn’t even that this particular Boeing plane had one of the best flat-beds in the sky. What was it then? Well, after what had been a pretty intense and busy few weeks, I got to do some of my favourite things – read a book and write in my journal.
“Is that it?! What’s so amazing about that?” I hear you ask. Well, here’s the thing, not only was I making time for a bit of self-renewal, the book I was reading and journaling about was the New York Times Bestseller by Greg McKeown, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. Few books have had such a profound impact on my thinking since the day I read Stephen Covey’s ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ in my teens.
In Essentialism, Greg sets out the premise that doing less but better is the key to maximizing our impact and success. This is more challenging than most people and organisations think. It’s certainly a major challenge for me.
I’ve got a very busy life. I’ve got a job I love, working with an amazing team of talented individuals, helping global clients maximize their performance and growth through engaging and developing their people and their leaders. It’s demanding, but I relish the day-to-day opportunity to do incredible work. I’ve got an amazing wife and three exuberant boys, all with equally vibrant schedules. I’ve got extended family that I want to connect with, friends to hang out with, and other hobbies that I strive to squeeze into my schedule and maintain some sort of balance in my life. Oh, and did I mention that my wife and I recently moved house? That brought with it its own host of challenges and decisions. What area? What school? Was this the right time to move our boys? The list goes on. As I consider the busyness of my life as a whole, I have come to realise and accept that I can’t do it all. I’m going to have to make trade offs. And this is where Greg’s book provides terrific insight and guidance on how to make those trade offs with intentionality and with wisdom.
Every day we make decisions about what to focus on and where to invest our time, energy and resources. This applies to individuals and organisations alike.
“Diversify our product offering or simplify our existing products?”
“Chinese or Italian for dinner?”
“Expand the team or develop an outsourcing model?”
“Spend time with the kids or work late?”
“Tidy the house or pay a cleaner?”
What makes things really interesting is that our decisions always require trade offs and this is why it is so important to be crystal clear about what matters most. Or, as Greg puts it, what is Essential. The danger, otherwise, is that we end up fitting so many things into our schedules or pursue a variety of organisational strategies and miss out on what is great and what will truly have an impact.
The key to being an Essentialist, Greg describes, is in the relentless pursuit of less but better.
For an organisation, that means asking, “Where can we add value like no other?”, and following through on the answer to truly drive and sustain their organizational growth and enhance their reputation in the marketplace.
On a personal level, that means asking myself the question, “What is it that only I can do?” Only I can be a loving husband to my wife, or nurturing father to my boys, or set out and role model a clear vision of excellence for the team I lead. Asking that question helps me work out what to delegate or even eliminate from my to do list or schedule altogether.
Why is any of this relevant?
In a world where being busy is a badge of honour and there’s always more on the to do list than can ever be accomplished, or more potential strategies than can ever be pursued, it turns out that the secret to success, operating at our highest point of contribution and having the greatest impact, is not cramming our schedules with even more or trying to do it all or trying to be all things to all potential customers. The secret is doing less not more, less and better. Not an easy feat, but one we must master if we want to maximise success, organisationally or personally.
“In a world where being busy is a badge of honour and there’s always more on the to do list than can ever be accomplished… the secret to success is doing less not more, less and better.”
So, on a personal level, what do you need to do to become an Essentialist?
Personally, here are some of my takeaways from reading the book:
- Schedule a personal quarterly retreat to review my life plan and update goals for the next quarter
- Live a life true to the voice within
- Pause before saying “Yes” and say “No” more often, firmly, resolutely and yet gracefully
- Recognise that with every decision I’m making a trade off
- Consider what I want to go big on – where do I want to hedge my bets?
- Build thinking and reflection time into my schedule – with key questions to support
- Realise that respect is far more valuable than popularity in the long run
- Practice extreme and early preparation, including 50% time buffers
I’m looking forward to reaping the benefits, personally and professionally. I hope you take up the challenge of becoming an Essentialist too!
3 Books That Have Had A Big Influence On My Life
Before I let you in on the 3 books that have had a big influence on my life, I’d like to take you on a journey.
From a young age, I’ve always enjoyed reading and always felt at home standing up in front of large crowds of people. At age seven, I was chosen to be the narrator for our school nativity play. It was such a great honour and I couldn’t wait to do it, but I never got the opportunity. Why? Well, my whole family got whisked off to Nigeria, dashing the dream of my debut performance. I was in Nigeria for ten years and had many significant, character-shaping experiences before returning to the UK, but never got to narrate a play (maybe it’s not too late).
Anyway, although I missed out on narrating for the nativity play, I had many other opportunities to speak in front of people over the years. As for reading, I loved novels and adventure books. I loved the way books drew you into another world and captivated your attention and imagination. I loved the way they had (and have) the power to influence for good. The right words conveyed in a book or the right words spoken in person (or via video, podcast, etc) literally have the power to transform lives and nations. Just consider the famous speeches over the years, including the Martin Luther King Jr ‘I have a dream’ speech or Sir Winston Churchill’s wartime speeches. Or consider the TED talks that have been downloaded by millions of people across the globe.
Despite the fact that I now speak, write, and coach for a living, my original and early career aspirations didn’t have anything to do directly with speaking and writing. I wanted to become a doctor, mainly because I wanted to help people. I also dabbled with the idea of being an architect and then a businessman, but in my early years I always came back to the dream of being a doctor.
I soon found out that it was quite a prestigious career in the eyes of many, which was both a good and bad thing for me. Good – because it meant many approved of my career choice and aspirations; Bad – because I latched onto a vision that didn’t suit my innate skills, talents, and abilities.
To cut a long story short (Hey… where’s all the drama?), I didn’t get into medical school and so went on to study engineering with management at King’s College London. I did it because I could and not because I was excited about it. However, while studying I hit upon an exciting course—Organisational Behaviour—and, more importantly, an exciting theory – Fredrick Hertzberg’s Theory of Motivation.
In summary, he identified factors that caused people to feel highly satisfied in their work (and therefore highly motivated) and factors that caused them to be highly dissatisfied (and therefore highly demotivated). There were other elements of the course that got me excited about the field of motivational behaviour. I won’t go into it all now. Suffice to say, I got an ‘A’ in that course and, above all, found a spark. I still didn’t know what to make of it at the time, but that course left me with a fascination for how people are motivated and how to bring out the best in people so that they maximise their excitement, contribution, and joy in life.
After graduating, I was full of zeal and some knowledge, but very little experience and somewhat uncertain about my life’s direction despite this spark. After attending a number of graduate assessment days, I received two job offers and accepted one with a London-based engineering firm to join their graduate training scheme. It’ll come as no surprise that I quickly navigated my way out of engineering into business performance roles and then later on left the organisation and moved into consulting.
To backtrack a little, while working with the engineering firm, I mostly felt like a square peg in a round hole. Even with a good attitude, I still felt like a nice square peg with a good attitude (most of the time) in an uncomfortable round hole. I tried to shake it off, do my best, and accept my lot, but the internal restlessness just wouldn’t go away. I guess you could say I felt like I was born to be doing something else. In engineering terms, I didn’t think I was fulfilling my true design— the purpose for which I was created.
During my time with the engineering firm, I was fortunate to shadow the Managing Director of our sister company for a period of six months in a pioneer role. It opened my eyes to what it was like to operate at a senior level within a company, including the challenges of motivating and getting a large group of people to coordinate their efforts in an optimal way towards achieving the overall goals of the organisation. That’s ‘consultant speak’ for getting everyone to do what they need to do, at the right time, in the right way.
All of that brings me to the 3 books that have had a big influence on my life, especially when I was at a crossroads about my career in 2005.
The first one was the late Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (I’ve shared about this book many times before – I first read it at 18 when a mentor of mine gave it to me). In the book he talks about climbing the ladder of success, getting to the top, and finding that it’s leaning against the wrong wall. I didn’t want that to happen to me.
The second book was Good to Great by Jim Collins. This book contained empirical research and evidence of what enabled companies make the jump from being good to being GREAT (you’ll have to read the book to understand how he defined both terms). One of the seven research discoveries was that the great companies had found what Jim called their Hedgehog Concept. To summarise, their Hedgehog Concept was the integration of the answers to three key questions:
- What can you be the best in the world at?
- What drives your economic engine i.e. how can you most effectively generate sustained and robust cash flow and profitability?
- What are you deeply passionate about?
I applied the Hedgehog Concept on a personal level to consider my natural talents and abilities, what value I could bring to the marketplace in exchange for money, and what I was most passionate about. The answers were… (Wait. I’ll come back to that.)
The third book was Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. I’ve got to say, this was the clincher. There was a particular quote in the book that made me realise I needed to stop the ship and change course. It was a quote by the philosopher and theologian Howard Thurman that goes like this:
“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
When you’ve seen the light, so to speak, it’s hard to accept anything else. I wanted to come alive and finally had a good idea of what that looked like. So, as you can imagine, it was smooth sailing from then on. Oh, I wish! I remember chatting to a friend around about that time and telling this friend that I wanted to become a motivational speaker who inspired people to be the best they could be. The response I got was that I needed to have something robust to speak about and more experience. That was a bit of a downer, but also true in some ways. The journey began all the same as I moved into consulting and focused on working with businesses to improve their business processes and increase their capability to manage change. At least I was able to do more presenting and training as a consultant. I was getting closer to my dream and passion, but I still knew I wasn’t quite there yet.
My 2005 answers to the Hedgehog Concept questions will explain why. They were:
What I am deeply passionate about:
- Bringing out the best in people
- Bringing out the best in organisations
- Leadership development
- Investing and developing my own talents and maximising my potential
What I can be the best in the world at (my natural talents):
- Speaking
- Writing
- Organising
What I want to (and can) get paid for:
- Equipping, training, empowering, and motivating people to maximise their full potential and utilise their greatest strengths at work and in life
After two years of business change consulting, I eventually decided enough is enough. I took the plunge and set up my own company, Motivatem, with a vision to equip, train, empower, and motivate leaders to… (you know the rest). Again, that was on the back of tons of zeal and only some knowledge about how to build and grow a business.
I’ve learnt lots of things the hard way and the road has been rough, but I’m glad I took the plunge when I did. I don’t think I would have written my first book, The Magic of Monday (published October 2012), or have developed the inner strength to focus on the vision I’ve got for my business over the years ahead. I’ve had some very exciting and rewarding successes as a consultant, and some very deep lows too, including under the Motivatem banner and while working for a fantastic award-winning employee engagement agency, and all of that set the stage in 2019 to relaunch Motivatem as CORE Leaders International and focus more exclusively on my updated Hedgehog Concept and do what I love best – equipping leaders to lead more purposefully, more authentically, more courageously, and more effectively than they ever thought possible.
And so we come to the present day. In all of my job roles and consulting roles over the years, I’ve been known and commended most for my speaking and writing ability, confidence, drive, and passion. I don’t say that to impress anyone. After all, they are simply innate talents I’ve received as gifts.
Ultimately, I love speaking, not because I love the sound of my own voice or because I’m the life and soul of the party. Ask my wife; at parties, I prefer to hover around the food table, not that it shows mind you. (Okay, okay. That’s not completely true about preferring to hover around the food. I’m just trying to say I don’t go into a room and feel I absolutely must be the star of the show.)
However, I absolutely do love speaking, writing, and coaching. And there’s a reason why I’m committed to working at these skills every single day. It’s because I get one of the best jobs in the world – reminding leaders of who they really are and reminding leaders that they are able to grow and achieve far more than they currently imagine possible. In reminding leaders of these things I hope to transform lives, organisations, and, who knows, maybe even communities and countries.
Why do I use the word remind? Because when we were young we didn’t place the same limitations on ourselves as we do today. We imagined great possibilities for ourselves. Almost anything was possible. Then we grew up and far too many of us lost our dreams and zest for life in the process.
Buckminster Fuller put it this way:
“Everybody is born a genius. Society de-geniuses them.”
We all have unique talents, abilities, passions, and strengths. I simply love to remind leaders of that and the amazing possibilities that lie within them.
As Dr Seuss said,
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
If you put a gun to my head and said you’d kill me unless I said I didn’t believe that we’re all uniquely gifted with talents and abilities, I would have to ask you to give me one last phone call to tell my wife and kids how much I love them. I believe it that much. [By the way, there’s no need to put that to the test. I love my family!]
So there you have it. 3 book that have had a big influence on my life.
What about you?
(Feel free to leave a comment or send other inspiring book recommendations to me. I’d love to have them.)
We Can All Be Dangerously Tribal
“How are you feeling about the George Floyd murder and related events?”
As the cry over his murder reverberates around the world, I’ve been asking that question of so many others recently. My desire has been to play a role (albeit a small one) in creating understanding, in the healing process, in encouraging dialogue. All in all, as a Christian and as a leader, trying to model love and leadership in the face of evil.
However, as I seek to encourage healthy and respectful dialogue, I feel that it’s important that I answer that question for myself too; after all, I am black (or brown as my kids rather correctly say).
I feel a deep outrage, I feel a deep sadness, I feel deeply disturbed by the depth of racial prejudice in our world, both at a conscious and unconscious level. One of the things I’ve come to feel a greater level of outrage about is the silence that has ensued (intentionally and unintentionally) for centuries, especially by those who benefit from the dynamic of supremacy of one group over another.
Many have already quoted Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the German Protestant theologian who vehemently opposed Hitler and the Nazi regime, but I must do it again…
“Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.” — Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Strangely enough, yes, strangely, I haven’t experienced much targeted racial prejudice in my life, personally or professionally. Systemic, Yes. Targeted, No. Perhaps because my family moved to Nigeria from the UK when I was 7 years old and I returned at 17, and during that time I was pretty much surrounded by black people, which meant I never had to worry about feeling inferior, or being a minority, or being the odd one out, or being stopped or harassed by police because of how I looked.
Since coming back to the UK, I have been the target of a few racial comments and had to battle with self-esteem in a way that I didn’t when I was in Nigeria but, overall, even I can’t fully and personally relate to what it’s like to be assaulted and attacked because of the colour of my skin. I only know what it’s like to be made to feel different and out of place. I’ve been made to feel not tall enough, not wealthy enough, not sporty enough, not handsome enough, not smart enough, not white enough, and even not black enough.
Nevertheless, as a black man, I do know what it’s like to be part of a group, a community, that is targeted in many places around the world; a group that has been lynched, dominated, put down and oppressed; a group that has had to fight to earn its place at the table of humanity. A fight that should never have happened in the first place. After all, beneath our different skin colours beat the same coloured hearts. And the same colour of blood courses through our veins.
I’ve had the privilege of working with, training and coaching people and leaders all around the world and I can say with certainty we’re all made of strengths, talents, struggles and weaknesses. We are all human.
Personally, when I look at our world and reflect deeply on my own experiences, I feel the issue is far greater than a ‘black – white’ issue, it’s a human issue.
We can all be dangerously tribal…
I’ve felt the impact of this personally. My family is from the Igbo tribe of Nigeria and my wife is from the Yoruba tribe. When we were dating and then engaged to be married, someone close to us commented, “Are there no nice Yoruba boys in your church? Haven’t you heard that Igbo boys will gladly sell their mothers for money?”
That comment, among many other experiences, reinforced for me the fact that our struggle with racial prejudice goes far deeper than that of colour differences.
Think about it for a minute…
- Consider the Rwandan genocide where evil was perpetrated as black Hutus slaughtered black Tutsis, OR
- Consider the intense fighting between Iraqi Shias and Iraqi Sunnis, OR
- Consider the devastating Holocaust that Bonhoeffer condemned, white Germans against white Jewish Germans (and others).
All that to say, I believe there is a much deeper problem in all of us – a capacity to hate someone simply because they are different to us – different religion, different colour, different tribe, different socio-economic background, even the fact that they support a different sports team.
So, what do I think could help us move forward once and for all? What do I think could help us delve deeper and deal with this problem of racial prejudice and hatred in ways that goes further than we’ve ever gone before?
Truth is, there are many who have a far greater handle on the challenges, the pain, and potential solutions than I ever could but, as someone who knows people, I can think of five things that would help us along the journey and I’m convinced it starts with each of us doing some serious soul-searching as we:
1. Acknowledge our capacity for hate – Let’s not pretend we don’t have this problem as human beings. We all need to examine our hearts and accept that there’s something within us that can be threatened by things and people who are different to us and, sadly, that fear can lead to hate. When we can acknowledge that then I think we have a good chance of being able to change and begin to think and behave differently.
2. Become more curious – Let’s be curious about others who are different from us. Curious enough to explore the beauty they can bring to our lives, to our communities, to our world. Curious enough to engage in healthy and respectful dialogue. Curious enough to lean into the discomfort of recognising that “different” doesn’t mean “bad”, it simply means… “different”. Let’s even be curious enough to explore this global outrage and pain that many are feeling, especially as it relates to conversations about Black Lives Matter, racial prejudice, white supremacy and the like.
3. Channel our capacity for love – I do think this is an important one. I honestly believe that we were created as a human race to love. Sometimes we just forget that. I have so many friends of different backgrounds and colours who I know love me and who I love deeply. We’ve shared life together, laughed together, cried together, and forged ties that have gone beyond the boundary of colour. Many of us know what it’s like to not see the colour of the other person, but simply see them as a person, a fellow human being on this journey called life. It’s who we are. We need to recognise that we’ve got it in us to love those who are different to us and channel that love instead of giving in to an ideology of supremacy of one group over the other.
4. Denounce racial prejudice – This is a step that feels so much clearer now than ever before. We can’t simply say that we’re not racist. It’s no longer good enough. As I often say to my 3 boys when they rattle off answers or responses I know they don’t really believe, “that’s simply theory.” This isn’t about concepts or beliefs. It’s about action. We’ve got to DO more. We need to actively denounce racial prejudice, white supremacy, class supremacy, and any form of human supremacy. There is an evil and it’s called hatred. It’s called prejudice. It’s called supremacy. And, if we remain silent, that evil will reign supreme and we will ALL be worse off.
5. Endeavour to see that we’re ALL “people of colour” – Perhaps some in the black community won’t like this, but I personally think the phrase “people of colour” as it pertains to blacks and other non-whites is an absolutely terrible term that subtly and unconsciously reinforces the fact that there is a dominant colour. We’re ALL “people of colour” – whether we’re from Africa, Europe, Asia, Middle East, America, Australasia – we’re all either brown, dark brown, light brown, olive, fair, very fair, etc. Let’s stop inadvertently perpetuating the dominance of one colour by excluding it from the mix.
I desperately want my boys to grow up in a world where they’re fighting different battles – perhaps the battle for improved electric car technology, perhaps the battle to overcome terminal diseases, perhaps the battle for sustainable sources of renewable energy, perhaps the battle for…. I don’t know, you fill in the blank, but certainly a different battle to this one.
We can all play our part in making this world a place where every single human being feels an overwhelming sense that we’re in it TOGETHER and we all have something amazing to offer. Where no one feels afraid or deprived or inferior simply because of the colour of their skin. But it means taking radical action and choosing to be committed to love, committed to growth, committed to curiosity, committed to change, committed to upholding the incredible and intrinsic worth of EVERY single person on this planet.
It starts with US. It starts with YOU. It starts with ME.
As A Leader, What Do You Do When Life Hurts?
As a leader, what do you do when life throws unexpected and painful curveballs your way?
I’m not talking about the day-to-day challenges of navigating increasing market competition, addressing resourcing concerns, stemming cashflow problems, handling the demands of a new job, working your way through the thick political landscape of your organisation or driving up engagement and productivity across your business. Instead, I’m talking about curveballs like life-threatening illnesses, divorce, major financial crises, loss of loved ones, and the like.
No matter your background or age, you will have discovered along the way that life brings with it trauma, pain and loss. Some things are easy to deal with and so we move on, chalking it up to experience. Other things, however, require extended periods of grieving or professional interventions for us to get anywhere close to being able to move on.
So, as a leader, with all the demands and pressures you face to deliver results and engage your teams, what do you do when life hurts? I mean really hurts.
In the Spring of 2014, I was about to find out, again.
I was working as a Learning Director for a London based Employee Engagement & Customer Experience agency. During a lunch break, I called my mum to let her know that my wife and I were really keen for her to join us on holiday to Spain with our 3 boys. Mum was totally up for it. It would be her first major holiday with our family, since her retirement a few months prior, so it was an exciting prospect all round. There was also another agenda – my wife and I were looking forward to encouraging mum to be creative in making the most of her retirement. We especially wanted her to stay active and engaged.
No more than 10 minutes after our conversation, mum called back and her opening line gave me goosebumps. I literally felt cold chills sprinting down my spine. She had forgotten our earlier call entirely. She really couldn’t recall what we’d discussed. I was in shock. My sister had been complaining that mum was becoming more forgetful. I had barely noticed, until now. A few months later, mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.
The pain of seeing a loved one inflicted with Alzheimer’s is like watching a car crash in slow motion. Mum regressed from being “forgetful” to having her identity obliterated before our very eyes. She has been stolen from us and, to make matters worse, there’s someone in her place, who looks exactly like her, teasing us with the possibility of her return. And every time we see a glimmer of hope, it’s instantly whisked away.
Here we are coping with one of the painful curveballs life has thrown our way. However, as is often the case, the rest of life still goes on – clients still need great services, products and solutions; bosses still need updates; teams still need vision, encouragement and inspiration; businesses still need growing and developing.
What do you do?
Now, you could just say, “Man up!” “Toughen up!” “Soldier on!” in these situations but, as someone who now helps leaders to build and grow their resilience, I know that doesn’t work. In fact, that’s more likely to lead to depression or other mental health challenges.
So, do you run, hide, ignore, deny or numb it? Many do. However, there’s a much better way.
From personal experience, here are 7 of the best approaches I’ve found to not only respond to life’s painful curveballs and navigate the turmoil in a healthy way, but come out stronger and even more effective as a leader:
- Acknowledge the Pain– None of us typically enjoys painful situations. At the same time, we know there can be inherent value in experiencing pain, whether it’s heartache, disappointment or deep loss. For example, a good workout leaves your muscles feeling painful and sore and yet it’s also bringing about growth and strength. I’ve learnt that the sooner I can acknowledge that I’m hurting, the sooner I can begin to heal.
- Stay Connected– As a reflector, one of my character weaknesses is that I choose to withdraw from others during painful periods. As a leader, it takes wisdom to know who to share your tough burdens with and when. After all, you’ve still got a job to do and a team to inspire. It’s tough to do that when you’re down. At the same time, if you don’t have an outlet for sharing your struggles then the pressure will only build and become toxic, not only to you but also to those around you. I’ve learnt that having a strong and trusted support network is critical. My wife is a big part of this for me, as well as my close friends. Going through counselling has also been incredible for helping me grieve in a healthy way and process my thoughts in a safe place.
- Get Perspective– Getting perspective when life hurts is one of the toughest things to do and yet not being able to do it means that we’re susceptible to being derailed. One of the most significant areas of growth for me has been learning to see that life is so much bigger than me. Meditation, mindfulness, reading the bible, prayer and journaling have all been powerful approaches that have helped me gain perspective and shift my thinking. As a result, I’ve come to appreciate the truth that it’s not what happens to me that is ever really the issue, but how I view what happens to me.
- Take Action– The challenge I’ve found with many of life’s painful curveballs is that they can lead to discouragement and even depression, especially when you believe that there’s very little you can do. Whilst it’s true that my sister and I certainly can’t cure my mum’s Alzheimer’s, we can take steps to help her maintain some sense of quality of life despite the deterioration in health. In life, there’s always something you can do, however small. Even little wins help remind us that though there are a lot of things outside of our control, there are also many things that are within our control and taking action in these areas can make a world of difference.
- Serve Others – Many years ago, I undertook a 30 day ‘giving’ challenge and blogged about it. The challenge involved dedicating 30 days to intentionally giving time, encouragement and support to others, including strangers. It was an extremely rewarding experience and reinforced for me the power of humility – not thinking less of myself but thinking of myself less. When all I see is my pain, I lose sight of others; and that becomes a vicious and depressive cycle. Cliché perhaps, and not always easy to do, but finding ways to serve others helps you get over yourself.
- Dig Deeper– Tough situations have a way of rocking our world, but I’ve experienced that they also provide a unique opportunity to see areas in my character or mindset that could do with changing or strengthening as I ask myself, “What kind of personal growth could I experience here that would be most beneficial? What could this teach me about life, about others or about myself? What could I still be grateful for?” Digging deep to answer these questions also helps me become better prepared for the inevitable challenges ahead.
- Accept Yourself– As a kid, I loved Superman; In fact, I still think he’s incredibly cool. That said, I know that it doesn’t help me to try and be like him when my world has been rocked – invulnerable and imperceptible to pain. I’ve learnt to relax into the pain and say things like, “I just took one for the team,” the team of humanity, that is. Self-acceptance is extremely powerful during times of pain. It says it’s OK to hurt. It’s OK to struggle. I’m doing OK. I’m human. I will get through this. In that process of self-acceptance, I find that I begin to access greater resilience and self-compassion than I ever thought possible.
Why does any of this matter?
I have a deep belief that even when life hurts most leaders still want to lead with purpose, with authenticity and with courage. That means knowing how to navigate the painful curveballs that will inevitably come your way.
Applying some or all of these 7 strategies will help you ensure that you have the resilience you need as a leader to continue to inspire your teams, deliver great results and make a difference to your customers and shareholders – even when life hurts.
#resilience #coreleader #leadership #character #motivation #growth #mentalhealth